Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
