Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she looked like the before picture.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
