does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
