i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
