did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
