He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
