I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
