If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
