ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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