Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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