well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
