Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
