somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
