These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
