totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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