Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
