Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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