I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
