I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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