I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
