We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
