The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
