omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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