I want to stick my p in your. b.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
