i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
