Already got asked if we're dating
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
