I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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