just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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