you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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