I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
