I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
