New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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