i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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