I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
