so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
