is your mom at the bar?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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