Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
