we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
