She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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