They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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