You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
