he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
