so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
