i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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