Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
im calling her cock vulture from now on
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
