That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
