I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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