Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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