Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
