Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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