I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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