guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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