So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
