just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
